


2012 | asakisu songfic

by bokz



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Asakisu, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Songfic, makoto and haru are mentioned briefly, phan?? idk it’s technically a phan song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:48:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokz/pseuds/bokz
Summary: 2012 (yeah, the phan song) is an asakisu song and if you don’t believe me then here:
Relationships: Shigino Kisumi/Shiina Asahi
Kudos: 9





	2012 | asakisu songfic

**Author's Note:**

> i spent so much time writing this only to accidentally delete the whole fucking thing and then have to rewrite it after crying over not being able to restore it so

_things used to be so, so much easier when we were so much younger_   
_i denied who i once was because_   
_who i once was, it wasn’t me_

growing up, asahi always had pretty set standards on what was wrong and what was right based on the influences of the people around him. this resulted in having valid points of view of what he can’t do (because they’re either illegal or just simply frowned upon). however, it also threw his perspective of what he can do off a lot. as in, when he had the self discovery of not only realizing he likes boys, but that he’s fallen helplessly in love with his best friend, he sure as hell wasnt going to let anybody know of it. that is, until he found out kisumi loved him too. he knew he so desperately should have pushed him away saying “fuck off, weirdo!” but he couldn’t bring himself to when such an opportunity was being presented; kisumi’s open arms, behind closed doors. so things continued like that: sharing their affection in secret, never daring to go farther than playfully teasing each other in public (which was the way things were before anyway). everything came so easily in middle school. like a warm breeze, and the two of them were - carefully - riding the free waves. nobody else had to know. asahi wouldn’t let anyone else know. he wouldn’t never admit it to kisumi, but he was ashamed. not of being with kisumi, but of just being himself in general. if he presented himself to the world, he felt nobody would accept him the way he was.

_we once fell in love but now, we’re just falling._   
_once we were falling, and now we’re just stalling._   
_i love you, but it hurts to speak out loud when i’m speaking through speakers,_   
_talking through filters._   
_everything i say comes out wrong._

then, the time finally came. asahi’s father announced to the family that he found a new job, and they had to move. again. he really should’ve been used to it at that point, but it really didn’t make it any less hard. having to pack your whole life away and leave your friends was not an easy task for such a sociable person. when he told his friends the news, they were obviously sad to see him go. even haru was getting sentimental about it. but none of his friends’ sad expressions could compare to the absolute dread on kisumi’s face. and that wasn’t even half of it! it was clear to asahi that kisumi was holding back since they were in front of their friends, which meant his real feelings were probably double the amount of sheer despair his features were presenting. the sight itself was enough to split asahi’s heart in two. he made a promise to himself when he first moved to iwatobi that he wouldn’t let himself keep in touch with his new friends after he left. he learned a while back how pointless it was to try to salvage old friendships, and he’d rather end them with pleasant memories than try to drag out the friendship and end it on a sour note. however, there was absolutely no way he could leave kisumi behind. not when he was looking at him with such “how do you expect me to go on without you here?” eyes.

so, after he got settled into his new town and school, kisumi was the only one he still kept contact with. long distance relationships were definitely difficult themselves, but trying to keep it a secret at the same time? asahi might’ve bit off more than he could chew. especially with how, as they grew up and matured more, they seemed to get more and more frustrated with each other as time went by. it felt like they were constantly fighting. it was most likely how emotional they were about not being able to see each other in person, but calling and texting didn’t seem to be enough for them anymore. the speakers on their phones and computers didn’t do their voices justice, and it was so much easier to ignore each other after one of them would say something they’d regret later; with not having to see each other face-to-face and all.

_the way you had my heart when we were younger pretty quickly disappeared._   
_only looking through holes in my fingers,_   
_but my skin is healing up._   
_i keep telling myself lies,_   
_i’m fine, i’m fine, i’m fine._   
_but you’re no longer mine._

eventually, they had enough. what was the point in being “together” if they weren’t ever actually together? physically, it was a strain to never see each other in person, yeah, but they just never seemed to click anymore. it was a rough discussion, but they finally mutually decided to call things off.

they didn’t talk for a while after that. how could they? what would they talk about? they both missed each other too much to have a functioning relationship, so how much better could a friendship be? it seemed just as difficult if not harder, trying to not cross any “more than friendly territory” lines.

the next time they talked was when they both shared with each other with colleges they were planning on going to. which, happened to be, the same tokyo university. it was such a melancholic moment for the both of them. they could finally see each other, be with each other, hold each other after so long. but how could they face each other after the words they’d spoken? they were so harsh during their time spent away from one another, they were both scared of how things would be when they reunited. luckily enough though, haru and makoto would be there with them to help them along the way.

as it turned out, things weren’t so bad afterall. asahi had called kisumi before visiting him for the first time, and everything came as naturally as it did in middle school. they caught up on all the things they’d missed over the last year or so they hadn’t talked, apologized to each other for the things said between the two of them, and even promised to each other to never let themselves get to that point again.

_last night you slammed the door, and the wood hitting the wall broke our,_   
_our red string of fate._   
_you’re that little ray of sun that burns me and blinds me with,_   
_with all your light._   
_my candle glows brightly but yours outshines me,_   
_blind me with its light._

they didn’t understand what the problem was. while they were away, they seemed to fight because of how miserable they were without each other, yet now that they’re with each other again, why were they still fighting? why were they still pushing each other away? asahi wasn’t sure of anything anymore. all he could see was a dark shade of brown as the door to kisumi’s apartment slammed shut in front of him.

“kis, i’m sorry, please, can we talk?”

everything was a blur. he couldn’t see much due to his own cloudy vision, but he could hear the shuffling-like noises of kisumi slouching down on the other side of the door, pressing his head against the dark oak. so, he did the same. sitting crisscrossed, he leaned his forehead into the door. he didn’t even really know what happened, but one second they were laughing, and the next they were yelling.

“since when has talking ever done us good?” he heard a soft, sad chuckle following the words.

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? oooh._

“yeah,” asahi agrees softly before adding, “then how about for once, we don’t talk?”

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? oooh._

a sniffle. “how?”

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? oooh._

“well, we could either stay like this if you prefer... or,” he dragged out the ‘r’ in a suggesting tone, “you could let me in and we can cuddle and forget why we’re mad at each other...?”

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? oooh._

a quiet chuckle. “i already forgot, to be honest. i am... so tired.”

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? oooh_.

asahi grinned. “i never knew from the start. does this mean you’ll let me in?” he asks in a hopeful voice.

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? oooh._

there’s no response, which leaves asahi feeling disappointed.

_little ray of sun, do you think we’re done? ah aaah ah._

suddenly the door flies open, making asahi stumble forwards into the room. he smiles gently as two arms drag him fully into the room and onto the couch.

**Author's Note:**

> originally, i wasn’t going to publish this, but it’s the first time i’ve been able to write one whole thing in a single sitting without getting writers block so that must be worth something


End file.
